Her backview

As I saw her back turning and making her way back home, I cant help but feel that I want to stay by her side all the time... yes ... its the same feeling of conflicts... of having to run my own errands and be away from her and being able to spend time with her...

She looked so fragile from the back. In my mind, mum was always the same. The beautiful mum I know since young. And even as she aged all these years, I could still find her behind the veils of time on her face. But yet recently, i observed that her lips are more pale than normal. Perhasp all along I had been in denial that mum was getting old. It was only a month ago that I noticed how much she has aged and the amount of white hair she has. At the time, I just shrugged it aside, that all will be well and she will be happy and healthy and pretty much the same even as she is growing old. It only occur to me now how frail she is. As I saw her back today, i had a flashback of her when she had her sugery for her previous episode of cancer. It was the same experience of visiting my grandfather at SGH who ahd cancer when I was really really young, maybe around 4 to 5 years. But the scene and exprience was rather the same. It was seeing somebody that you were closed to but you could not recognize. The appearance and the voice was totally another person, but you somehow feel that it is the same soul behind all the suffering. And in an instant, pain and heartache hits you in the head that that soul and very person you love is trapped behind that mountain of suffering.

I saw her talk to my dad as she walks back facing me... further and firther away.. and as my bus leaves her... what was she talking about? what was on her mind? How i wish i could undo any unhappines for her if she does experience that then. I realized she has come a long way in life as I saw her take the path home. What is on her mind now?